Living With Bulimia: Sonny's Story
by SparkleInTheSun
Summary: Ever since Sonny joined 'So Random', she's been worried about her looks and figure. She goes on to develop a dangerous Eating Disorder. What will happen to our beloved Sonny? Taken over from sonnygirl100!
1. The Fat Suit

Chapter One: Peer Pressure

(takes place in West Coast Story)

I was walking through the dressing room, really proud of myself, because I learned how to put on a fat suit like, a half hour before rehearsal. Plus, I was really energetic and excited because well, it is my second day with the 'So Random!' cast in Hollywood. I was looking at myself in the mirror, and speaking like one of those diner waitresses back in Wisconsin, when Tawni walked into the room and looked at me like I was in a fat suit, and as you know I was! And so, my energy and excitement caused me to say something really stupid.

"Hey, does this fat suit make me look fat?" I asked her, she looked at me blankly, and said, "You're in a fat suit? I didn't notice!" she walked into the dressing area, leaving me talking with a wall. I had to say something to take that off of my mind. "Ha ha! You know, I was about to say that you look pretty in that outfit, but I don't think I will!" I retorted. One second later, she stepped out in her normal clothes, and said, "Yeah, but you just did!" Ouch! Looks like the bacon just got burned. Then all of a sudden, she thought I was a real waitress, and orders me around, and telling me to get her a yogurt, or something like that! And then, she spreads the word around, telling the cast that I'm going to get them food, too! I mean, I know that I look, and sound like a waitress, but this is too far.

So, I made my way to the café. But first, I find the bathroom with the long mirror. I look into it, and see a perfectly good person. Why would Tawni say I was fat? Could I be a bit overweight? I stared into the mirror with suspicion, and move on with my journey with her phrase keep speaking into me like a broken record player that won't shut up! Anyway, I am about 10 steps from the frozen yogurt machine. When someone thinks I am a real waitress, I mean, who wouldn't? He says to me, "Excuse me, miss? When you're done with that order, I'm gonna need an extra large chocolate--" I cut him off, and try to say, "I don't work here." I bump into him, and try not to drop my frozen yogurt, burritos, and AA batteries without gasping in amazement. "Oh my gosh! I know you you're, you're--"

"Him?" he interrupts me, points his finger to the TV show poster, and poses in a cool face. "Chad Dylan Cooper. And apparently you're Madge" I look at him confused as he strangely stares at my body. Uh-oh! Bad time to wear a fat suit in public! So, we introduce each other, and I frantically walk back to the bathroom, and immediately take off the outfit. Before I leave, I take another slow look at myself strangely, as if I am spacing out. Then I walk back to the dressing room with no looking back.


	2. Chad Dylan Cooper

**A/N: Forgot to mention in the last chapter, this is taken over from Sonnygirl100 (with her permission obviously)**

Chapter 2: The Mirror of Fate!

About a week later, I was strangely still thinking about what Tawni said to me. You know, about my over-weight-ness, and Chad about what he did about my, busty-ness. So, I decided to take a peek in the mirror in my room at my house. I lifted my shirt to at least show my stomach, and I was shocked. I looked like as if I was at least 185 pounds, or something around that! Never once, have I felt more self-conscious about myself, until now! Maybe they were right, was I fat? Not counting the suit.

_Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo!_ My phone rang from my bed. I answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

_'Hey, Sonny! It's Chad.' _Chad? Why does he have my cell phone number in less than one week?! Is he a stalker, or something.

"Uh, hey? Why do you have my number, and why did you call me?" throughout my first week at _Condor Studios_, Chad and I, well, we weren't the best of acquaintances. He went on…

_'Well, I just wanted to tell you that I am having a party tomorrow, and as crazy as this seems to you, I'm not inviting you, or any of your Chuckle City friends. So, as long as your big, fat, new, body, or any of your friends are there, my party should go as usual as any others. WITHOUT YOU! But, if you are still interested in buying me a gift--.'_

What did he just call me?! Big. Fat. New. Oh, no he didn't!!! he was still rambling on about what he'd like, so I figured out that he wouldn't mind if I hang up. I mean, what kind of guy calls a new girl, calls her fat, and still expects her to give him a gift?! I closed my phone, and took a second look at my body from the side, with that same chubby look as before. A few seconds later…

_Moo! Moo! Moo! Moo! _I open the phone again, and guess whose on the other side?!

_'Awww! Did I hurt the new girls' feelings?' _Chad said to me sarcastically. I rolled my eyes.

"You know what Chad, If you don't want me at your party, you could have just said so, instead of rambling on about how wonderful you are, and what stupid, Chad Dylan Cooper wants for himself, but no! You know what? Why don't you just put yourself in someone else's shoes for once! See who has it tougher, you stupid, egotistical, superficial, selfish, BLONDE!!!"I closed my phone, turned it off for the rest of the day, and threw it at my nightstand. Then, I could feel warm drops pour from my eyes. Wow, I didn't know I had that in me. But today, I lost two important things. The first one is, my dignity, because I know that Chad would put this kind of stuff on his blog. And the second one is, my patience. Because of him, my self consciousness stops today, and I don't care how I do this, but it stops!!! This, is war!!!


	3. Change

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish. In fact, I don't even own this storyline, the words are mine though... all mine. **

**Chapter Three **

**~ Just a diet ~ **

I looked in the mirror and closed my eyes, the word fat just kept running through my mind over and over again like a broken record. I just wanted it to stop, I hadn't been in Hollywood for long and already it was getting to me.

I sighed before pulling down my shirt and opening my eyes once more, I took one more look as a lone tear fell down my face. I had never even given a thought about my weight before but then again I had never been called fat before.

I looked down at the floor for a moment, deciding that I was going to go on a diet. I smiled at my reflection as I thought about it – just a diet, nothing bad was going to happen.

I bit my lip in wonder as I thought about what I could do, I need to lose weight as soon as I can. I sit down on my bed, still looking in the mirror as I think, maybe I could cut out junk food? Lucy always said that worked for her when she was on a diet, and Tawni hardly ever ate junk food and when she did it was in small amounts and she is really thin.

I nod in approval of my own plan, I would probably have to make mum go shopping for healthy food then seeing as the two of us have a sweet tooth, this house is covered with fatty foods.

I take one more look in the mirror before grabbing my phone to turn it back on and walking out of my room. Today was the day things were going to change, today was my chance to show Chad and Tawni and everyone else that I can be thin, I can be beautiful. I can be perfect just like they both seem to think they are. I can do this, I am going to show them.

I smile widely as I think about losing weight, I could go around wearing short skirts and belly tops and ask Tawni who she was calling fat now. I would love to see the look on Chad's face, and then he would ask me out and I would tell him that he was not worthy of being anywhere near me anymore... I giggle out loud a little at my own plan and then shake my head, maybe that day will come soon when I can look Chad Dylan Cooper in the eye and show him exactly what he made me become.

Then again, you never know.. maybe one day I will thank them both for opening my eyes and letting me see exactly how gross I actually look. I shrug and then grab an apple, shouting a goodbye to my mum before running out of the door.

It's time for a change.

**A/N: Sorry if this is crap, let me know what you think and if anyone is reading this. It will get better, but obviously this is all in the lead up to the actual main part of the story. **


	4. First Time

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Four ~ **

**~ Just The Beginning ~ **

Sonny picked at the food in front of her and sighed as stuff she had thought meaningless at the time ran through her head, she bit down on her lower lip and moved the food from one side of the plate to the other, occasionally taking a bite.

She thought back to when she was in Wisconsin, her mind was going wild with all the thoughts she was having as she tried to think of times when someone had said something to do with her weight.

Why didn't the boys pick me to be their date? _Because I'm fat_

Why was I picked last in gym? _Because I'm fat_

Why didn't any of my boyfriends ever pick me up and spin me around like I see in movies? _Because I'm fat_

Why didn't that boy kiss me when I was six, even though he had kissed everyone else? _Because I'm fat_

She sighed and looked down at the food, wrinkling her nose in disgust, she looked over at Chad Dylan Cooper and his cast members, all eating their high calorie crap, but good crap. She groaned, she had always loved food, she had been brought up to eat everything on her plate or she would have to go to bed hungry, she had been brought up to not worry about weight – so much for that now.

She frowned before putting her fork down, deciding she would buy some real food on her way home that evening. She looked up at everyone else on the table as they watched her with obvious confusion, she shrugged it off though, she knew why they were staring at her.

_Because I'm fat._

She told herself the same again and again, it never seemed to get old because she knew it was the truth. She took a look in the mirror when she got to the dressing room, sighing when she realized – again – how huge she really was.

She shook her head at her own reflection before grabbing a magazine, running through all the things she didn't have that other celebrities did.

_She has a flat stomach._

_I can see her ribs. _

_Look how tiny her legs are!_

_I want those collarbones. _

_I wish my cheekbones would stick out like that. _

She put the magazine down and sucked in her cheeks, smiling to herself when she realized how gorgeous she would look when she was thin – then she could show everyone just how wrong they were about her, she would show them all.

She picked the magazine back up and admired the bodies of those she shared a world with, she wondered how they had all done it – just through a diet or had they taken it further than that? She shrugged, she would see how the diet worked out for her and then consider other methods.

She looked up as Tawni walked in, both of them ignored the other as Sonny looked down at the magazine again and Tawni looked at herself in the mirror. Sonny watched the girl out of the corner of her eye, she wondered how Tawni always managed to look amazing, it wasn't fair.

She sighed loudly and then got up, going into the bathroom so she could look at herself in the long mirror. She hated herself so much, how could she have let herself get this fat? **A/N: Demi is nowhere near fat, she has a beautiful figure, but I am trying to describe what a person with an Eating Disorder would see in the mirror. **

She lifted up her top, grabbing any fat she could grab and shaking her head, tears fell down her face as she thought about how everyone saw her. She was supposed to look good, she wanted guys to come up to her and tell her how beautiful she was, she wanted girls to be jealous of her. She wasn't supposed to look like this.

She closed her eyes and then turned around, looking at the porcelain bowl, thinking about whatever she had put in her stomach before during lunch. And then it was that simple. She walked over to the toilet slowly, almost in a daze. She pulled the toilet seat up and pulled her long hair back into a ponytail.

She hadn't planned this, she knew that much – she didn't even know what to do. She felt her hand rise up, almost as if it was doing it on it's own and she stuck two fingers down her throat, throwing up almost automatically until she saw the red that she only knew to be blood.

She finally stood back up, flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face and looked into the mirror. She stood there for a long time, looking at her now pale face, red eyes and the little sick that had managed to get into her hair. She sighed and slightly washed it out, smoothing her hair down and walking back out of there when she thought she looked decent enough.

Tawni looked at her weirdly,

"You were a long time."

_Yeah well, I have to be thin because according to you and everyone else I am just the fat one on this show, well not for long Tawni. _

"I had a shower." Sonny shrugged and smiled,

"Your hair isn't wet."

"I didn't wash my hair."

"Oh..." She seemed to accept the answer as she turned around to look at her reflection again. Sonny grinned at her reflection, the impact of what she had done had yet to settle in but she knew it was good, it meant all the food was gone. The calories were out of her body.

_Maybe this is going to be easier than I thought. _

"**Mary Kate, Kate Moss, diet pills." - Anorexia, FakeBestFriend**


	5. Two Weeks Later

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story, and even that wasn't my original idea. So basically own nothing but the wording...**

**~ Chapter Five ~ **

Sonny smiles at Tawni and waves goodbye, watching the girl drive off, Sonny turns back around to run to the front door. She closes her eyes for a moment, sliding against the closed door before running to her bathroom.

She knew she shouldn't have said yes to a day out with Tawni, she knew she shouldn't have had that sandwich, she knew she shouldn't have had that cake, she knew she shouldn't have eaten so much.

She looked in the mirror and heaved a deep sigh, she knows what she has to do now – she has been doing the same thing for two weeks every single time she thinks she has eaten a little too much. She takes her hands behind her head and pulls her long hair back, making sure every strand of hair is out of her face. She takes the hair tie from around her wrist and ties her hair up. She takes one more look at herself in the mirror, she knows what to do.

Sonny slowly walks over to the toilet, her hand shaking as she leans over, bending her legs a little. She bites down on her lower lip before putting her shaking hand to her mouth, putting two fingers in – just like all the times before. She smiles when it all happens so much quicker than all those times before,

The sick comes up, landing in the bowl, she repeats it over and over again until blood comes up and she knows it has all gone. She is safe. She takes one deep breath and wipes her mouth, flushing the toilet before walking back over to the mirror to stare at her tear stained face and shakes her head before washing up.

Sonny grins to herself when she walks into her bedroom, glad that nobody had caught on to her little game yet. She bites down on her lower lip and closes her eyes, trying to think of a time when she didn't care about weight or anything – a time when everything was so much easier.

It doesn't matter anymore though, she tells herself, because now she has control and now she is going to be thin. She keeps telling herself that other people do it as well, so it must be normal, right?

She sighs and lays back on her bed, her eyes closed as she tries to think about something other that food, weight, anything other than those things. She knows people suspect something but none of them can guess what Sonny is doing every single time she is in the bathroom, supposedly taking a 'shower'. Nobody can ever guess.

"**Can't you see what you did to me?" - Anorexia, FakeBestFriend**


	6. Calories and Fat

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Six ~ **

Sonny watched her friends as they grabbed for the pizza in front of them, she bit down on her lip and watched them bring the food to their mouths. She curled up into a tight ball, remembering one time when she threw back up pizza – it hurt too much, she didn't want to go through that again.

She sat there and closed her eyes, trying to block out their conversation and the sound of them munching on the feast in front of them. She keeps catching random bits of their conversation about food and she can't help but count the calories and fat in her head,

_That's 353 calories per slice of pizza and 10 grams of fat and if they all eat the box they have each then that would be 2118 calories and even if they threw it all up they would never be able to get it all out. Anyway, now they are drinking full fat coke and they don't know that it's over 150 calories for one glass and if they have had at least three glasses each. _

Sonny opened her eyes to see everyone staring at her, she shook her head and run off as fast as she could, locking herself in the bathroom as tears ran down her pale face. She bit her lip as hard as she could as she sat down on the toilet seat.

She could taste the blood in her mouth as she bit down harder, tears falling down her face. She had to get away from them, she couldn't stand to see everyone else eat around her when she knew she couldn't touch anything – it was too hard to throw everything up when she is constantly surrounded by people.

She didn't want people knowing what she did, she didn't need people to look at her and think "Oh look there is the girl who can't control herself around food so she throws it back up afterwards." She didn't want to be that girl.

She sighed and finally got up, opening the stall door to look at herself in the mirror. She knew she was just a little bit smaller than she was before, but it didn't seem good enough. She just wanted to be able to control herself around food, she wanted to be able to say 'no thank you' instead of just running away from it.

She shook her head, wiping away her tears and biting down on her still bleeding lip, she winced a little at the contact but then shook her head – she was in control and that was all that mattered.

"What's wrong?" She looked up at the girl who had just walked in and looked back in the mirror, grabbing a tissue to dab at the blood that was now dripping down her chin.

"Nothing." She muttered, watching the brunette from their rival show walk up to her and frown.

"I know we're not friends or anything but I can tell that something is wrong." Sonny shrugged and then looked at Portlyn,

"And even if there was something wrong, would you care?"

"Probably not." Portlyn smirked,

"Good." Sonny whispered, she liked it when nobody cared, it was easier for her. She shook her head and then ran out of the bathroom.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"That new girl from 'So Random' was crying today." Portlyn looked at Chad, raising an eyebrow when he showed a small amount of concern – something he quickly covered up.

"And I should care, why?"

"Because I thought you liked her."

"Well I don't, Chad Dylan Cooper does not like anyone from Chuckle City, especially not her." He glared at the smaller girl in front of him,

"I was just saying that she has lost weight and she is never in the cafeteria anymore... and I know you look for her at lunch time." Portlyn sighed, she knew Chad liked Sonny, she was the only one who ever seemed to let the old Chad that Portlyn had met so many years ago, come out for the first time in so long.

"Just talk to her." She whispered before walking away from him, looking behind her to see Chad nod and quickly walk off in the direction of 'So Random'.

- - - - - - - – -

Chad watched the girl as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she had no idea anyone else was in the room as she slowly lifted up her top, tears dripping down her face as she gripped at invisible fat.

He shook his head, biting down on his lip as he coughed, letting her know that he was there. She jumped, yanking her top down and glaring at him.

"Stalking me now?"

"Just came to see if you were okay." He shrugged, sitting down on the settee and flicking through his phone,

"Well, I am fine so you can leave now."

"Why were you crying?" He looked up at her, smiling at the shock on her face,

"I wasn't."

"In the toilets, Portlyn told me."

"It's none of your business!" She screamed at him, grabbing his arm to pull him up and marching him over to the door,

"Do you think you're fat?" She paused, staring at him as her cheeks turned a dark shade of red. She shook her head and looked down at the floor, tears falling from her eyes again,

"Get out please." She whispered, Chad took a step back for a moment when he heard the broken voice of the girl he had nicknamed 'Sonshine'.

"Do you?" He had seen so many girls come and go, so many who were convinced that to be famous you had to be thin, and as much as he hated to admit it – he didn't want the same thing to happen to Sonny Munroe.

"Leave it alone please." He shook his head and cupped his hands around her face,

"You're not fat, I know it may not mean a lot coming from me, but you're not and of course being Chad Dylan Cooper – I would tell you."

"You did." She muttered, Chad dropped his hands and shook his head, opening his mouth up and down trying to find something to say,

"You said, and I quote, 'So, as long as your big, fat, new body or any of your friends aren't there, my party should go as usual as any others. Without you." She looked down at her feet as tears started to fall heavily down her face, the words echoing in her mind over and over again.

"I was making a reference to your fat suit.. I didn't think.. I-I..." Chad was lost for words for the first time in a long time as he shook his head in defeat, he had never thought that Sonny was fat, he was making a – bad attempt – joke. He could see how it didn't come out that way.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, looking around to make sure nobody would hear him, she shook her head and didn't even look up at him,

"It's okay."

"No it's not, now come on, you need to eat.. don't want you to get too thin." He wrinkled his nose at the image of a tiny version of the Sonny he was trying to pull towards the door.

"I'm not hungry." She said, letting him pull her a little more until she could slam the door in his face. She sighed as she leaned against, it, putting her head in her hands as she let sobs overtake her body.

And then, even though she hadn't eaten anything, she ran into the bathroom, leaning over the toilet before sticking her fingers down her throat – just to make herself feel a little better.


	7. Tawni Knows

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Seven ~ **

Sonny grabbed the food from underneath her bed, not even looking at what it was before stuffing it into her mouth as fast as she could. She glared at her reflection in the mirror as she ate, wanting to stop but at the same time knowing she could always get rid of it afterwards.

She hated eating but she hated starving as well, she just needed the quick fix, she **needed **to stick her fingers down her throat until her stomach was completely empty and she needed to know that she was doing _something, _**anything **to make sure she lost weight, even when she lost control sometimes.

She finally had enough, knowing the only reason she had even eaten in the first place was just to feel that familiar pleasure, the thing that always made her feel so much better – even when things just seemed too bad, like when Chad had confronted her earlier that day.

She ran into her bathroom, locking the door behind her and running over to the toilet. Her throat burned, telling her to stop but she ignored it, carrying on instead and only stopping when she finally coughed up the familiar red of blood.

She looked in the mirror as she washed her hands, her face was pale and her eyes bloodshot but she knew it was all worth it in the end. _Just a few more pounds_ she told herself, knowing that it was more than a few.

She shook her head and then sighed, walking back into her bedroom before stripping down and looking in her full length mirror. Tears dripped down her face, casting her chocolate brown eyes over her body. She looked at the barely visible outline of her collarbone, her hand tracing over her protruding ribs.

She was happy for a minute.

Then she saw everything else, yes, the ribs were there and so were the hip bones but the way the fat moved on her thighs, the way her chubby face seemed even more fatter than ever before She frowned, tears running down what she thought to be a chubby face – everyone else would look at her and see the cheekbones piercing through the thin layer of skin, but all Sonny saw was a large layer of fat.

She sat down on her bed and sighed, she wanted to disappear, she wanted to be thinner than everyone else. She wanted them to see all the control she had, what they had done to her.

- - - - - - - -

"Are you going to have any?" Tawni raised an eyebrow at her friend, looking down at the bunch of snacks that had been lay down on the table in the studios for them during their show.

Sonny frowned, looking down at the food, calculating how many calories would be in each plate of food. She had to know the calorie amount for everything, the fat content, the carbohydrates amount, the sugar level – she had to know how many times it would take to stick her fingers down her throat before everything came up.

She smiled at Tawni and shook her head, Tawni frowned and heaved a deep sigh, grabbing a biscuit and putting in her mouth as she thought of something to say .

"You know... as much as it pains me to say it but you're looking kind of thin lately." Sonny laughed it off, she didn't care about the compliments anymore, she knew they were all cruel lies.

"Whatever." She muttered as she rolled her eyes, Tawni sighed before shrugging and walking off, back in her own little world.

- - - - - - - - - -

Sonny looked at herself in the dressing room mirror, making sure she had locked the door this time to avoid anymore events of Chad bursting in and telling her what he thought she wanted to hear.

_Fat. _

The voice inside of her head kept repeating the word that tortured her every single day, making her feel even worse about herself than she already did.

She winced a little at the sight of the fat on her stomach,

_That should not be there. _

She told herself, pinching at every bit of fat she can find.

_Big, fat cow, nobody wants you here in Hollywood. You're not trying hard enough! Try harder!_

She nodded and ran into the bathroom, sticking her fingers down her throat one more time,

_It's supposed to hurt, you haven't got it all up yet, don't give up._

She nodded at the voice, glad when she finally feels empty, smiling at the thought.

She runs back to the mirror and shakes her head, tears running down her pale face.

_Pain is just the price you have to pay for being beautiful, to be perfect. It's just a small price to pay. _

_- - - - - – _

She looks at her own reflection, her eyes are bloodshot, her skin is almost transparent – a major contrast to the dark circles embedded underneath her eyes. She sighs and walks back into the bathroom, she has to do it all the time now, she has just eaten – it's a punishment.

Her lips are a small tinge of blue but she ignores it as she drops onto her knees in front of the porcelain bowl, and sticks her fingers down her throat until her stomach heaves once more.

Tears run down her face and she closes her eyes – unable to see the dark blood coating the edges of the toilet.

She finally get up, reminding herself that one day she will be good enough for everyone around her. One day she will be perfect, hopefully.

- - - - --- - – –

She ran into the bathroom, hiding her tears as she stuck her fingers down her throat one more time. It had been two months since that conversation with Chad and she had been avoiding him ever since.

"Sonny?" She heard Tawni on the other side of the door in their dressing room and she shook her head – she wasn't done yet, it wasn't all out.

"I'm coming in." Tawni bit down on her lip as she pushed open the door that Sonny realized she had forgotten to lock because Tawni was supposed to be on stage.

"What's going on?" She dropped to her knees next to Sonny and hesitated before putting her hand on the girls shoulder, wiping away her hair to see the sick that gently outlined the girls mouth.

"Come on." She whispered, wrapping an arm around Sonny's shaking body and helping her up. She slowly walked her out of there, making her lay down onto the settee, She noticed the sick on the girls top and some on her jeans and she shook her head, grabbing something comfortable for Sonny to wear.

"Here, take these and get changed." She went to turn away when Sonny nodded and slipped the jeans she had been wearing down, she didn't have the energy to get back up and get changed somewhere else. She bit down on her lip as she took her top off and closed her eyes when she heard a slight gasp from Tawni.

Tawni tried her best to hide the shock she felt when she could see every single rib poking through her pale skin and when Sonny bent down a little to put her top down on the floor, Tawni almost cried out in shock when she saw the girls shoulder blades and spine sticking out of her thin layer of pasty skin.

She stared at the girl she considered to be a friend and Sonny looked at her, mistaking the look for something else.

_She's disgusted with me, she just saw all the fat I have been trying to hide from everyone for a few months now. She hates me even more now. _

She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning back until her head hit the cushion that Tawni had placed on the settee.

"Are you okay?" Tawni whispered to her,

"I'm fine." Sonny turned away from her, hiding the heavy tears that carved their way down her ghost-like face . Tawni nodded and sighed, slowly making her way out of the room to talk to someone about what she had just seen – she hated caring but one thing she did know, was that Sonny needed help.


	8. Darkness

**Disclaimer: Nothing, nothing is mine**

Tawni closed the door, shaking her head as she tried to hold back the tears. She had no idea what to do, she hated to admit that she cared but she knew she did. She knew for a fact that as much as she didn't want to say it out loud – Sonny was one of the only friends she had, and she was also the one she would consider to be her best friend and she had no idea what to do.

She shook her head, looking down at the floor as she walked through the corridors of Condor Studios, refusing to let herself cry. She knew the only person who could help Sonny was also the one person Sonny had been doing her best to avoid for over two months now.

She sighed before knocking loudly on his door, looking up at the boy when he finally opened the door and glared at her. She didn't have time for stupid rivalries, she couldn't cope with it all today.

"I need your help." She whispered, tears finally falling from her eyes as she looked at him, shaking her head and walking in when he told her to.

"I-I am so scared." She whispered, sitting down and shaking her head,

"What?"

"Sonny... I.. um.. she was being sick and I helped her and she's so thin... she's like a walking skeleton.. I could see every bone and I don't know what to do." Chad took a few steps back, tears stinging his eyes,

"I should have said something." He whispered, mostly to himself,

"What do you mean?"

"I saw her two months ago, she was looking in the mirror and crying.. I told her she wasn't fat but then she quoted me on this one time I called her fat but I was only joking."

"I called her fat as well." She muttered, looking down at the floor as sobs racked her body,

"What do you think she is doing? Starving herself?"

"No.. I mean, I have seen her eat and she always rushed off after and... oh my God." She wiped away the tears that had fallen down her face and shook her head, her hand rising to her mouth as she gasped,

"What?" Chad watched Tawni as she stood up,

"I just left her on her own, she could be doing anything." She whispered, running off as quickly as she could towards her dressing room. Chad looked around for a moment before deciding to follow her.

"Sonny!" Tawni sobbed when she realized she wasn't where she left her, running to the locked bathroom door and banging on it,

"I know what you're doing, please come out." She banged again and again, screaming Sonny's name, not caring for once if anyone saw her break down, not caring that everyone was now in their dressing room and staring at her.

Chad shook his head, looking from the bathroom to the crying Tawni as he realized what Sonny had been doing all this time. He bit down on his lip as a lone tear escaped his sparkling eyes.

- - - - - - - -

Sonny used the little energy she did have to scramble up as soon as Tawni walked out of the room, running over to the bathroom and making sure she locked the door this time as she dropped to her knees.

She had to get it all out, she had to be clean, and pure and she had to be thin.

She shook her head, coughing up nothing but blood for the first time, tears fell down her face as she told herself that there had to be more food, that she hadn't gotten it all up before. She carried on, ignoring the dark red that was coating her fingers now and the sides of the white porcelain bowl.

She bit down on her lip as she stood up, clutching at her head when she felt a sharp pain rip through it, stumbling backwards as a wave of dizziness washed over her. She felt her knees buckle beneath her, and then a sharp pain in the back of her head as it made contact with the hard surface of the sink behind her.

And then nothing.

Darkness took her in it's arms.

And for the first time in a long time, she felt safe.


	9. Hope

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

Chad watched the scene around him, his whole body shaking with the fear that something was happening to the only girl he had ever cared about. Tears fell down his face as soon as he knew what was going on, his fists clenching when he felt the need to punch something, anything.. he wanted to be able to save her, he wanted to go back to that day two months ago and make sure she didn't ignore him after. He wanted to make sure she would be okay.

"I can break down the door." He finally said after a few moments of hearing Tawni sob Sonny's name, lightly banging on the door as she dropped down onto the ground.

"Have you ever done it before?" Nico raised an eyebrow, walking over to Tawni to help her back up.

"Of course I have." Chad flashed them a grin, flicking his hair back dramatically,

"On episode ten, season.."

"Shut the hell up!" Tawni glared at him, her eyes blazing with fury as she went to lunge at him, the only thing stopping her was Nico's arms around her waist.

"That's not **real **you idiot!" Chad shook his head, about to open his mouth to say something back,

"This is real, that door is real, the lock is real and the girl on the other side is as real as real can get!" Chad heaved a deep sigh, Tawni was right – this wasn't another episode of MacKenzie Falls, this was reality, this was the truth, it was undeniable.. Sonny was on the other side of that door and he had no idea if she was okay or not.

"Sorry." He whispered, looking down at the floor before Grady put his hand on his shoulder,  
"We don't know what's going on, but we will help you get her out of there – okay?" Chad nodded, giving him a small smile before shrugging off the hand and walking up to the door, the three boys determined to help their friend.

Chad blurred out the pain, he had to help her, he had to make sure that she was going to be okay. He found himself thinking, why her? Why did this have to happen to carefree Sonny? Why?

He sighed, about to give up before giving one more kick to the hard, wooden door, grinning when it flew open.

"Sonny?" The grin soon faded away when he saw the tiny girl curled up in the middle of the cold, bathroom floor. His heart almost stopped when he saw the dark pool of blood around her head.

"Call 911!" He could hear someone shout behind him, his whole mind focused on Sonny, his Sonshine, the girl who made him smile, the girl who had made him laugh, the girl who made Chad Dylan Cooper **care. **

He bit down on his lip to stop the sob that just barely escaped his lips as he brushed some of her hair out of her face, silent tears falling down his face and landing in the pool of blood that stood out against the white of her face and the blue tinge to her lips.

"Is she breathing?" He nodded a little, watching her chest rise and fall before Grady went over to the other side, they could both hear Tawni scream as Nico finally let her into the bathroom. Chad heard her drop the floor, Tawni had cared about Sonny as well. Neither of them knew how to show it, both of them were to blame.

He shook his head, grabbing Sonny's hand and muttering apologizes as he slightly rocked himself back and forth. He looked at Grady and then behind him at Tawni, Nico and Zora, and he shook his head. They finally all had something in common – grief and clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, Sonny Munroe was going to make it out of this alive.


	10. Chances

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

"What happened?" Marshall looked at all the teenagers as they sat in the waiting room of the hospital,

"We don't know." Chad shook his head, ignoring the need he felt to cry right then, telling himself that it wasn't the time, not in front of everyone.

"Where's my baby girl?" They all looked up as a woman ran up to Marshall,

"Mrs Munroe.." He looked at them all as they bit down on their lip,

"We found her in the bathroom." Tawni finally spoke up, looking at Sonny's mum as heavy tears dripped down her face.

"She was on the floor.. they think she collapsed and banged her head on the sink as she fell." Connie nodded, her hand going to her mouth as she tried to think of the best, trying to convince herself that her daughter was going to be fine,

"Why did she collapse?" Tawni looked from Chad to Connie as she shook her head, opening her mouth to speak before the doctor came.

"Allison Munroe?" They all nodded, looking up at him as he smiled gently at them,

"She's still unconscious and you can see her in a minute, only two at a time though." He looked down at the chart in his hands and sighed,

"I need to ask you something though.." Tawni and Chad closed their eyes, they were the only ones who knew what was coming, they knew why she had collapsed,

"Did your daughter have an eating disorder?" He looked at Connie as she gasped and then shook her head,

"No!" Tears fell heavily down her pale face as she took a step back, trying to control the sobs that she could feel coming.

"We ran some tests and it appears that her electrolytes are low... a sign of bulimia. And the markings on her knuckles, along with the torn throat.." He trailed off as he looked from all of them,

"It looks like this has been going on for months."

"How can I help her?" Connie wiped away her tears and looked up at the older man,

"You can talk to her, tell her that you're not mad at her and try to make her see that she doesn't have to do it to her body. I have also arranged for a psychiatrist to see her when she wakes up, she's going to be okay Mrs Munroe."

Connie nodded, looking at the teenagers before turning around to follow the doctor into the room her daughter was in, they all watched as Marshall quickly followed her, shaking his head.

"Did you know?" Grady looked at Chad and Tawni as they nodded,

"That was why I went running in there, I realized.." Tawni put a hand to her mouth as she sobbed,

"I walked in on her being sick just before that and I didn't know she was doing it on purpose so I helped her get changed and everything because she was so weak and ill... she's like a skeleton and it's all my fault."

"How is this your fault?" Zora raised an eyebrow, staring at the sobbing girl as Chad awkwardly patted her back.

"I just kept pushing her, calling her fat all the time.. I never meant it.. I was just jealous but she obviously took me seriously.. I never should have just assumed she would know I was jealous.. I.."

"She's going to be okay now, we all know." Nico smiled, biting down on his lower lip as they all sighed,

"I hope she's going to be okay." Grady whispered, all of them nodding in agreement.

- - - - - - - - - -

"How did I not see this?" Connie looked up at Marshall as she grabbed Sonny's hand, brushing some of her hair out of her face as she looked affectionately at her tiny daughter.

"I should have noticed." Marshall frowned at the sight of Sonny in a hospital bed, it made her look like a small child, something he wished he had noticed before.

"I saw her losing weight but then I would see her eat and I would just assume that she was just working too hard.. I never would have guessed this was happening."

"None of us would have, but we can help her now."

"If she let's us help her." She muttered as she sat down, gripping onto the pale girls hand as tight as she could.

"Mummy?" She looked up when she heard the weak voice from her daughter, smiling and nodding as she stopped any tears from falling down her face,

"I am here baby."

"What happened?"

"You collapsed." Sonny nodded,

"You know, don't you?" Connie nodded slowly and then looked up at Marshall,

"We all do baby and we are all going to help you through this."

"I'm sorry for letting you down mummy."

"You can never let me down." Sonny smiled as she squeezed her mum's hand, ignoring the throbbing pain from her head as she turned to look at Marshall, whispering an apology to him as he shook his head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, we should have seen all of this before. But don't worry, we are going to make sure you're okay from now on."

"Thank you." Sonny bit down on her lip, unsure if she wanted help or not – she liked the feeling of being sick, it was a pain-filled punishment for breaking her diet and it made her feel so much better. It was who she was, but then she wasn't sure if she even wanted to be defined by her eating disorder. She hadn't signed up for that.


	11. Recovery

**Disclaimer: See last chapter**

**~ Chapter Eleven ~ **

Sonny sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror, biting down on her lip as she tried to stop herself from criticizing her new found shape. She looked behind her at Tawni as the girl watched her carefully, it had been two months since she had been let out of the hospital and Sonny wasn't sure it anyone would ever trust her around food again.

"You look perfect." Tawni finally said, looking at Sonny as she smoothed her hands down the elegant black dress she was wearing, Sonny raised and eyebrow because she knew how hard it must have been for Tawni to say something nice about someone other than herself.

"Thank you." She whispered, not averting her eyes away from the reflection. She thought about throwing up the sandwich she had just ate along with all her friends but she knew it would just mean letting herself down and ruining everything she had worked so hard for.

"I am being serious, you look beautiful Sonny." Tawni grinned,

"Obviously not as beautiful as me but you're a close second." Sonny laughed a little, turning around to watch Tawni as she walked over to her, the two had become close over the past few months as everyone tried to help her move on, she could never ask for a better best friend.

"Here." Tawni held out her hand, placing a small set of earrings in Sonny's hand before turning back around to look at her own reflection in the mirror.

"They will complete the outfit."

"Thanks."

"So, do you think Chad will come and pester us tonight?"

"I don't know.." Sonny blushed a dark shade of red as she thought about the boy she had a crush on for so long now.

"I know you like him, I know he likes you too."

"Really? He does?"

"Of course, Chad Dylan Cooper actually **cared **about someone other than himself! That proves it all!" Sonny giggled, shaking her head as she bit down on her lower lip,

"I wish I could tell him how I feel but I am scared of hurting him if I do anything like before again..."

"You won't Sonny, you're stronger than that."

"Sometimes I feel like doing it though, the other night at home I ran into the bathroom and tried to but.. then I heard my mum shouting my name on the other side and the worry in her voice and I knew I couldn't do that to her again.. to myself.. but it still tempts me."

"Look, I know it's hard but I promise that you will become less and less tempted – like the doctor told you. See? I'm clever and pretty!" She clapped her hands and laughed at herself before grabbing Sonny's arm and pulling her out of the dressing room,

"You're going to be just fine, we will all make sure of it." She said as they approached everyone else,

"Thanks, I don't know what I would do without you.. any of you." Sonny smiled as her eyes met Chad's, both of them blushing a little before turning away to face someone else. Sonny smiled as she thought about everything she had to overcome just to get where she was now, and she knew it all made her into a stronger person.

**~ The End ~ **

**A/N: Crappy ending but you all get the point. I kind of lost my plan for this story a while back so it's all be guess work from then on so I lost my inspiration. Hence the ending. **

**Thank you for reading! **


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